We surveyed almost 57 million dads to identify a ranking of the top Father’s Day gifts. Rounding out the bottom five were these gems. Buy any one of these gifts, and dad won’t get mad, but he’ll be really disappointed in you.
#1: World’s Best Dad Mug
More like, “World’s Most Difficult Claim to Prove.” This comes down to data, or, the lack thereof. As of press time, over 134 million fathers laid claim to the honor of “World’s Best Dad.” Until a governing body articulates clear metrics for bestowing this vaunted title, these mugs represent a hollow claim at best. This particular mug is also an awful gift if you’re not named Sophie.
#2: A Gift Certificate to Radio Shack
This would be an awesome gift if it were 1985 and your dad needed a coax cable to connect your 17″ Magnavox to the roof antenna. But it’s not 1985, and nothing says “I have no idea what your interests are, dad,” like a gift card from a defunct company.
#3: A Nice Family Outing to Applebee’s
Seriously. What sounds better than waiting in line to feast on watered-down cocktails and lukewarm jalapeno poppers served by a teenager named Dylan in a crowded restaurant located in the parking lot of a Costco? A vasectomy sounds better.
#4: Dove for Men Gift Sets
Nothing says, “I had a $12 budget and 5 good minutes at CVS to buy your gift, dad,” like a Dove for Men Gift Set. And remember, if it says “For Men,” it wasn’t originally for men.
#5: This Particular Sweater
Generally speaking, a sweater is a fine gift. It keeps a man warm while he’s chopping wood or hunting a 10-point buck. Charles Bronson wore sweaters. Be he sure as hell would not wear this one. This is awful. Dad would appreciate all other sweaters in the world, but this particular sweater represents the worst humanity has to offer. For the love all all things holy, do not buy this sweater.