DUKE CANNON GIVES THANKS FOR CANNED CRANBERRY SAUCE
We come to you in advance of the forthcoming Thanksgiving holiday to deliver an important message: jellied/canned cranberry sauce is far superior to all other forms of the dish. Now, we are of course supportive of handed-down recipes made from scratch. But in this case, we simply must draw a hard line in the Thanksgiving sand. We are not entertaining debate; instead, we will simply state the inarguable reasons why canned cranberry sauce is king.
GREAT THINGS COME IN CANS
Just a few examples: your grandad’s preferred light beer, pumpkin pie filling, baked beans, certain hearty soups, sardines, and yes—canned cranberry sauce.
Just a few examples: your grandad’s preferred light beer, pumpkin pie filling, baked beans, certain hearty soups, sardines, and yes—canned cranberry sauce.
IT IS SHELF STABLE
In the likelihood that sometime in the future we all live in underground bunkers, safe from the mutated radioactive mutant hordes rampaging above, you can rest assured that canned cranberry sauce will be there for you. It may not pair perfectly with SPAM, but beggars, as they say, cannot be choosers.
In the likelihood that sometime in the future we all live in underground bunkers, safe from the mutated radioactive mutant hordes rampaging above, you can rest assured that canned cranberry sauce will be there for you. It may not pair perfectly with SPAM, but beggars, as they say, cannot be choosers.
IT CAN BE SLICED INTO CONVENIENT DISC SHAPES
Thanksgiving is chock-full of lumpen, messy foods that spill all over the plate, with gravy leaking around every item like un undammed river. A tidy, circular disc of jellied cranberry brings some much-needed order to what is otherwise chaos.
Thanksgiving is chock-full of lumpen, messy foods that spill all over the plate, with gravy leaking around every item like un undammed river. A tidy, circular disc of jellied cranberry brings some much-needed order to what is otherwise chaos.
IT TRAVELS WELL
You can carry it in one hand, which leaves the other hand free to carry a six-pack of beer and/or some bottles of wine. Say hello to the one-man Food & Beverage Department.
You can carry it in one hand, which leaves the other hand free to carry a six-pack of beer and/or some bottles of wine. Say hello to the one-man Food & Beverage Department.
IT’S EASY
We are not loafers here in Duke Cannon Country, but Thanksgiving dinner is tricky enough to pull off as it is. When you are trying to avoid serving an undercooked turkey that comes with a side helping of salmonella, or an overcooked one that results in a giant pan of jerky (not to mention tending to a kajillion side dishes), simply opening a can starts to look pretty good.
We are not loafers here in Duke Cannon Country, but Thanksgiving dinner is tricky enough to pull off as it is. When you are trying to avoid serving an undercooked turkey that comes with a side helping of salmonella, or an overcooked one that results in a giant pan of jerky (not to mention tending to a kajillion side dishes), simply opening a can starts to look pretty good.
THE UPSIDE-DOWN CAN IS AN ENGINEERING TRIUMPH
Canned cranberry sauce cans are intentionally made upside down, with the rounded edge on top and the sharp edge on the bottom. This creates an air bubble on the rounded side (the top) so that eager diners can swipe that edge with a knife, enabling the precious crimson cylinder to slide out, shape intact. And with that, you have an interesting anecdote to share at the Thanksgiving dinner table.
Canned cranberry sauce cans are intentionally made upside down, with the rounded edge on top and the sharp edge on the bottom. This creates an air bubble on the rounded side (the top) so that eager diners can swipe that edge with a knife, enabling the precious crimson cylinder to slide out, shape intact. And with that, you have an interesting anecdote to share at the Thanksgiving dinner table.
IT DELIVERS THE POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE THE HOLIDAY DEMANDS
Sure, everyone “ooh’s” and “ahh’s” when a perfectly browned turkey is set on the dinner table. But that pales in comparison to the rapture that ensues when a can of cranberry sauce is opened, the delicious jellied cannister slides out with a satisfying “SCHLUCK” sound, then plops onto your finest serving plate, ready for slicing.
Sure, everyone “ooh’s” and “ahh’s” when a perfectly browned turkey is set on the dinner table. But that pales in comparison to the rapture that ensues when a can of cranberry sauce is opened, the delicious jellied cannister slides out with a satisfying “SCHLUCK” sound, then plops onto your finest serving plate, ready for slicing.