Duke Cannon Surveys the Hottest Jobs
Duke Cannon men tend to run hot as is, never mind factoring in the sun going turbo mode come June. And while some of us have it a little easier than others during the day — easier meaning there is something passing for air conditioning somewhere in the office — we’re here to salute the men who clock in outdoors every day during the summer. We mean the hot, hot jobs, where cooling down isn’t an option.
*Duke Cannon radio voice turns on* This feels like a great time to remind you that Duke Cannon’s line of Trench Warfare Antiperspirant and Deodorants as well as our Cold Shower Cooling Field Towels are available for purchase on our website at any point in time for your heat relief*
ASPHALT WORKER
Call it blacktop, bitumen, or asphalt - it’s hot any way you pour, shovel, set or smooth it. And you can’t apply it below 50°, so by default it becomes a warm weather task, with zero aspects of the production that don’t involve volcanic heat. Maybe you’re lucky and you get to pilot the vehicle and sit under the little canopy, but there’s always a couple guys who draw the short straws and have to follow behind and spread the molten material around so that rest of us—and our air-conditioned vehicles—are spared the wrath of potholes. Much thanks, gentlemen.
WELDER
Fusing materials together with flames while wearing bulky protective clothing (save the highly combustible polyester shirts for Saturday night, gentlemen) and a bucket-sized helmet is some serious hot business even during the winter months. Now, we understand how you might question this career choice in August when you’re arc welding a garden trellis for some guy in the suburbs, but if your sweat-soaked labors result in something cool like a submarine, well, that’s another matter entirely.
OUTDOOR PARKING LOT ATTENDANT
Your job is to ensure every family of four in Topeka, Kansas pays in cash and gets a parking spot so they can stuff themselves with corn dogs, try and keep those corn dogs down after multiple rides on the Tilt-a-Whirl (which is why Randy calls it the “Tilt-a-Hurl”), enjoy some music, and get an eyeful of Big Nate, the prize-winning steer. Simply put, you are the doorman to summer memories, nodding agreeably to car after car while roasting in the sun like a Perdue chicken, and for that our hat goes off to you—and speaking of hats we recommend waving yours in front of your face like a makeshift fan.
ANYONE WORKING OVER A HOT GRILL
Aside from clocking out at the end of your shift, there really is no respite from this gig other than taking five with a cool beverage in the walk-in freezer. Feeding people is an important job, and we dutifully thank those who man the cooking stations for their service. Duke Cannon has been known to occasionally flip a pillow-sized pack of Kirkland hot dogs for the kid’s baseball team, so we’re no stranger to the pressure a hungry mob can provide. But we are well aware that this is nothing compared to sweating your ass off over a flattop with two dozen or so tickets on the line.
FIREFIGHTER
Well folks, this one’s about as hot as it gets. We gripe when our thermostat slips into the 70s, so we can’t imagine the prospect of potentially being engulfed by fire on a daily basis, then heading to the store after your shift and having someone make small talk by saying “Boy, some heat we’ve been having, huh?” I guess what we’re saying is, be sure to buy a round for your local fire house next chance you get.
