DUKE CANNON-APPROVED HALLOWEEN COSTUMES
DUKE CANNON-APPROVED HALLOWEEN COSTUMES
So you’ve been invited to a Halloween costume party. Now what? You certainly don’t want to be the sort who just grabs a pre-packaged, trademark-dodging costume in a bag from your local Halloween emporium ("Juice Demon," anyone?). No, you should display a bit more effort and imagination than that. So with that in mind, here are some suggestions for some characters a hard-working fellow could dress up as this Halloween.
A FOREMAN
Slap on a tie, carry a clipboard, be somewhat humorless, talk about the need to maximize productivity, and make suggestions that don’t help at all with the job at hand. Done and done.
DAVE "THE GHOST" CASPER
You don’t need a red jersey and Taylor Swift friendship bracelet to pull off a convincing NFL tight end costume this year. Instead, dig deeper into gridiron history and go as the ‘70s-era Oakland Raiders Hall of Fame tight end with the appropriately spooky name. Tell fellow costumed attendees how you appeared in five Pro Bowls, won a Super Bowl (XI), and that your record for the most touchdowns scored by a TE in the postseason (5) stands to this day, and watch the compliments roll in.
LAND SURVEYOR
A decent pair of boots and metal detector are all you need to bring this one home. Bonus: locating the well-hidden property line pins at your host’s house is a party trick your fellow attendees will not soon forget.
KEN
You will not be able to swing a dead cat this Halloween without hitting fellows dressed as various incarnations of the Ken from The Barbie Movie. May we suggest a different tact? There are lots of impressive Kenneth’s out there in the world, so instead, consider going as one of the following: baseball legend Ken Griffey Jr., noted documentarian Ken Burns, Ken Jennings (of Jeopardy fame), former NFL QB and notorious hell-raiser Ken “The Snake” Stabler (another Oakland Raider), Ken Wahl (TV’s Wiseguy), or, if you’re feeling bold, even a Kenny (Rogers, Loggins, or G).
A CLOWN
Contrary to popular belief, no greasepaint, colorful wig, bulbous red nose, giant shoes, or honking horn are needed to effectively portray a convincing clown this Halloween. Just spray yourself in a choking fog of Axe Body Spray and waltz through the crowd. Trust us, everyone will get it.
RANDY
A tank top, jorts, fake moustache, and, for the cherry on top of this costume sundae, be sure to show up at the party with no beer.
