Dispatches from the Apple Orchard

There are certain things you are expected to do in the fall. So when the rest of the Cannon clan pushes for a visit to the apple orchard, we tend to grumble a bit, then eventually give in. Yes, it’s crowded, and the parking situation is always suboptimal, but it’s also got fresh air, farm animals and free beverages. Read on and see why, despite a few misgivings, we always end up putting on the hoodie and making an annual pilgrimage to nature’s apple factory.


If you can ignore the sneezing intervals and watery eyes occasionally clouding your vision, hayrides are a very pleasant way to spend time at an apple orchard. First, Duke Cannon will jump at any opportunity to spend some quality time with a vintage tractor. Second, you’re essentially getting ferried around in the most ideal weather of the year, admiring farmland while munching on free bags of popcorn. It’s like Mother Nature invited you to the movies. 


Majestic beauties, they are. If you ever have trouble locating Duke Cannon at the apple orchard, know that you will find him alone, brushing a mare, speaking in a soothing tone usually reserved only for small children. We respect everything about equines, including their lightning-fast reflexes (you will too if ever kicked by one) and the fact that they have ten muscles just in their ears alone. If you could, please just leave us be—we’re spending some quality time with someone else who isn’t afraid of a little hard work.


Worth the price of admission alone. And yes, we’re currently on our phone seeing if we can buy one.


It always starts with “Hey, let’s demonstrate our unmatched navigational skills to the family” which then turns into “Wait—we came that way, right?” not long after. Before long, scenes from “Children of the Corn” are playing in your head, and the kids are asking why you are whispering the name “Malachai” in hushed tones. Would still recommend.


Yes, we’re nonchalantly hanging around so we can take our little Styrofoam cup back for seconds. OK, maybe thirds and fourths. The wife even snuck in a small flask of whiskey to pair with it, and that kind of behavior folks, is high on the list of reasons why we married her.