Duke Cannon appreciates tradition, but he also supports progress. Case in point: The annual Thanksgiving Day Parade. Yes, it’s charming, but perhaps it’s time for an upgrade? Specifically, some of the gigantic floats could be geared less towards children and acknowledge that plenty of hard-working fellows are tuned into the proceedings. With that in mind, here are some thoughts on how we could blow this turkey day tradition up; we will be forwarding these to the parade planners for immediate consideration.
Imagine a large, inflatable version of the man who played a vengeance-seeking vigilante in a movie that spawned three sequels (all with the exact same plot, and that’s just fine) floating silently above the same NYC streets his character longed to clean up, peering into penthouse windows on Central Park West with those remorseless, slate-blue eyes. Wouldn’t that be incredible? Yes, it would.
Allow us to paint a picture: you’re sitting in your very favorite recliner, munching on cheese and crackers while watching the parade, when suddenly a gigantic, inflatable replica of the exact chair you’re sitting on floats onto your TV screen, towering over the parade-goers (and making them instantly wish they had a comfy chair to sit in). Talk about a warm holiday memory.
A FISHING LURE
We’re thinking of a colorful Jitterbug here, dancing down the street with that nice action, looking so lifelike that it instantly entices the inflatable Nemo (and possibly even Kermit) into making a quick strike. Kids would love it (the one with good dads would, anyway).
A BEER CAN
If the point of a balloon in the Thanksgiving Day Parade is to bring joy to all the fine folks watching in-person and around the country on their televisions, there is likely no better candidate for immediate large-scale inflation than the classic aluminum beer can. Which beer, you ask? Why, Busch, of course.
A STICK OF BUTTER
Duke Cannon likes butter. He likes it pooled on his mashed potatoes, demands a substantial pat of it on all his dinner rolls, and even appreciates the burgeoning artistic genre of butter sculptures. So it stands to reason that we would really enjoy seeing a gigantic stick of butter in balloon form being guided down the street by a small army volunteers while a drooling Al Roker looks on.