Every year the sinister forces at “big ornament” force more boring, round Christmas tree decorations on the public and frankly, we’ve had enough of these shenanigans. So we put our manufacturing hats on, and the result is sure to brighten your holiday season.

This festive rectangular collectible is the same size as one our Big Ass Bricks of Soap, making it certain to become a treasured family heirloom your children will battle each other for in courtrooms long after you’re gone.

Quantities are extremely limited.