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Spend $60, Get a FREE Big Ass Brick of Soap - Fresh Cut Pine (Automatically added to cart.)

WELCOMe TO DUKE CANNON COUNTRY

A place where common sense is actually common. Where barbecue is considered an art form. Where the statue in the park is of a man fixing a toilet. In Duke Cannon Country, robots never get ideas about mowing lawns or taking over the world. And UFOs only visit because they've blown a flixxorx valve and need help from a handyman. You won't find this place on any map because you don't use maps. Trust your excellent sense of direction to get you here.

big ass brick
of soap

No soap should be dainty or shaped like cute animals. It should dominate a skyline. At 10 ounces, it's 3x the size of normal soaps, so dropping it can lead to dented shower floors and/or crushed toes. Comes in a variety of mature scents that do not include Boy Band or Awkward Teen Years.

THICK HIGH-VISCOSITY BODY WASH

Enough with the flower-scented water that just runs down your drain—this premium, aptly-named exfoliating shower soap is 3x thicker and comes in a giant 17.5-ounce bottle that you crack open like a beer. Because why the heck not?

best damn
beard oil

Building a world-champion beard requires world class tools. To this end, our oil is 3x the size of the competition, and it's made with premium natural ingredients designed to soften even the most steel-wool of beards.

CANNON BALM TACTICAL LIP PROTECTANT

This is not some impulse buy in the gas-station checkout line—it's a serious commitment to those oft-neglected things on your face that even men of few words need. It's 4x the size of your daughter's lip gloss and made from premium natural ingredients, not unicorn laughter.